New Year’s Resolutions for Lymies:

by Lori Shaddy

1. Decline EVEN more invitations than last year.
2. Sleep EVEN MORE than I have ever slept so I can get in the Book of world Records
3. Meet a few more doctors and hear them say it is all in my head… the new vocabulary might help me with my word problems
4. Try not to laugh when someone declares it was just a bug bite
5. Get that last Tick Borne disease I missed… I don’t wanna fail at this
6. Forget even more crap I never really needed to know in order to survive
7. Get my telephone number tattooed on my wrist to simplify my life
8. Bore everyone with the details of my preferred disease… I really wish I had gotten Turrett’s just so I could violently swear and bark with a valid excuse
9. Enlarge my dark circles underneath my eyes
10. Watch an entire show without falling asleep
11. Use my very last ounce of energy to tell off a certain someone
12. Find better excuses for declining events… like I will be busy puking my guts out or I have too many meds to take or i can’t stay awake through their monotony…
13. Find a polite way to say, “I woudn’t waste my last drop of energy on you.”
14. Find a way not to puke over Doxycyclene
15. Relearn 5 names and have them come out when I say them
16. Find a new hairdo besides a ponytail that should’ve been washed days ago
17. Tell people they haven’t seen me in a while because I was in Hawaii
18. Manage to stomach the pharmacist’s look of disgust as he hands me my medications like I am a drug addict. As if I take Ketek for the high…
19. Remember that is it not all about me like that one snotty relative keeps saying
20. Take my medicine containers out to the recycling bin

More Lyme Humor Here

Also check out Lyme Loonies!

A great cartoon book, written by David Skidmore, mocking the situation we all endure everyday as Lyme patients.


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