Being sick is no joke!

Being sick is no fun and it’s no joke, but sometimes it helps if you can laugh at yourself a little. I think humor among each other who are ch

Those of you who have Lyme Disease, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue or any chronic illness, my heart goes out to you.ronically ill is a much needed distraction actually. If you are not sick, you might not get these jokes, but pass them along to someone who is. I hope this will brighten their day a bit.

And a special thanks goes out to my friend Lori who came up with most of this funniness. 🙂

Memory Issues

Three Friends are sitting around a table.

The first one says: “Man this morning I was standing in the driveway and I didn’t know if I was walking to the mailbox, or from it!”

The second one says, “Today I opened the refrigerator and didn’t know if I needed the milk or the orange juice.”

The third one says, “Thank God my memory hasn’t been affected yet, knock on wood. Oh wait, someone is at the door, Ill be right back!”

New Year’s Resolutions for the Chronically Ill

This year I promise to…

1. I will decline EVEN more invitations than I did in 2011.
2. Try to get in Guiness Book of World Records for sleeping the most.
3. Have a couple nore doctors tell me, “it is all in my head.”
4. Forget even more stuff I never really needed to know in order to survive
5. Get my phone number tattooed on my wrist to simplify my life
6. Bore even more with the details of my preferred disease
7. List my symptoms daily on facebook.
8. Not cry that my friends

don’t ask me to do anything anymore, since every time they ask I get mad that they asked because they should know I’m too sick to do anything.
9. Find eye shadows that compliment the dark circles underneath my eyes
10. Watch an entire movie without falling asleep
11. Find better excuses for declining events.
12. Find a way not to throw up when taking Doxycyclene.
13. Relearn 5 names and have them come out when I try to say them.
14. Find a new hairdo besides a ponytail.
15. Tell people they haven’t seen me in a while because I was in Hawaii
16. Manage to stomach the pharmacist’s look of disgust as he hands me my medications like I am a drug addict.
17. Remember that is it not all about me like that one snotty relative keeps saying.
18. Take my medicine containers out to the recycling bin.
19. Fill my cabinets with groceries instead of all my meds.
20.Try to have sex with my spouse once before 2012.

Reasons I Cannot Attend Your Event

1. I am almost finished stacking my medicine containers in a pyramid.
2. I will be cleaning out my Tivo list.
3. I have infomercials to watch
4. I forgot who you were.
5. I didn’t know I was still related to all of you
6. All my friends are on the internet, so that I don’t ever HAVE to go somewhere.
7. I have been so out of the loop that i don’t understand the new slang terms anymore.
8. I will have inappropriate pauses in my speech that will make all of you uncomfortable
9. Sorry I’m still wearing the same outfit from last time you saw me.
10. I can safely drive there but not home after all that neuro stimulation you guys call “conversation.”
11. I can no longer find your house, or the store for that matter, or anything else.
12. Sorry, that is the night I already decided i would do laundry this year. Bummer.
13. Remember you said I ruined the last party because I had to leave at 11:30 pm
14. You learned I am not fun when I can’t drink because of all the meds I’m on, and I found out that you’re not fun when I’m not drinking.
15. I have a doctor appointment with my crazy doctor. Isn’t that what you call him?
16. My FaceBook friends need me that night, sorry.
17. When you said shopping, I thought you meant online shopping.

Things NOT to say to the chronically ill.

These things really upset us!

1. But you don’t look sick!
2. Think positive.
3. You just need to exercise.
4. You would feel better if you got out once in awhile.
5. It’s all in your head.
6. You just need attention.
7. I have a cold, I’m soooo sick.
8. I get tired and have headaches too so I know what you are going through.