Reasons I Can Not Attend Your Event

Do you need help declining events? Do you relatives and friends still not understand what Lyme does to you? Well our friend Lori Shaddy helped us with some readily handy excuses!

Thank you to Lori Shaddy for coming up with these!
1. I will be cleaning out my Tivo list
2. I am almost finished stacking my medicine containers in a pyramid
3. I have too many medications to take at intervals you would never understand
4. I need to test my sofa’s firmness level
5. I have decided that this year is not my year
6. I have infomercials to watch
7. I can’t remember your name
8. I didn’t know I was still related to all of you
9. I only hang with lymies
10. I have been so out of the loop that i don’t understand the new slang terms
11. I will have inappropriate pauses in my speech that will make all of you uncomfortable
12. Nothing clean to wear
13. I can safely drive there but not home
14. I can no longer find your house… or the store… or anything
15. that is the night I already decided i would vacuum my house this year. Bummer.
16. When you ask me to make a salad for 40 and i do it, you say it is too heavy to pass and nobody likes salad
17. Remember you said I ruined the last wedding because I had to leave at 11:30 pm
18. Remember you told me I am no fun because I can’t drink while on my meds… and, I learned you are not fun when you drink
19. I might fly into a Lyme rage and bite you…. causing YOU to get Lyme
20. Actually, I cannot come because all this time I didn’t have Lyme disease… I have had cancer… I just lied so I could see what you are all REALLY like.
21. I have a doctor appointment with my crazy doctor… Isn’t that what you all call him??
22. My FaceBook friends need me that night
23. When you said shopping, did you mean walking at the mall or online shopping? I love the online… oh, mall… I cannot walk that far any longer…


More Lyme Humor Here

Also check out Lyme Loonies!

A great cartoon book, written by David Skidmore, mocking the situation we all endure everyday as Lyme patients.



15 thoughts on “Reasons I Can Not Attend Your Event”

  1. How about, “You don’t have anything to do with me all year except for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so why am I going to waste what little energy I might have to go sit quietly in a corner and get totally ignored at your house until you want to know what I cooked and brought or where are the presents I brought?” Nope. Just staying home.

  2. #’s 8, 11, 12 and 13. 8 and 12 especially. Sadly #8 because it’s like I don’t exist for you unless you need me to bake a pie.

  3. I woud go but…
    I can’t seem to separate myself from my toilet
    I have to slow my audio book down so much for me to understand it that I don’t think I will finish it before your event.
    I have a phone date with a friend
    I am trying to model my behavior after my cat and need to spend my day sleeping to fully understand him.

  4. Love #8, 20 and Anika Cornforth’s comment!!! I do not get asked to go anywhere unless hubby drags me along and do not get called so I would say:
    Yes I will come and pretend I feel as good as I look, so you don’t feel uncomfortable!

    My only subjects to talk about are news/politics, TV shows and Lyme struggles, so which do you prefer?

    Hubby has had stroke which stole his memory and I have Lyme with memory loss. We go back and forth forgetting things together…. 🙂

  5. I wont be coming because I know you don’t REALLY want to hear MY ” small talk” story of my lyme life again and how I “really” feel anymore, of my doctors, and blood work, and pain, and my complaints of the bright lights and loud voices, and how tired I am…. And besides, i just used up all my energy telling you all this~

  6. I am going to be spending the day coming up with new names and descriptions for my symptoms and illnesses, to bring you up to date the next time we talk on the phone. I know how much you love that!

  7. because smelling you in your new “scent’ makes me physically ill.. and I just can’t do that to myself. again

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